this boss lady made unwise choices

Cranky. Snappy. Mean. Depressed. Angry. Emotions I was choosing to let run the show. Did I have 'good' reasons for choosing these emotions? Possibly.  Did I feel I had choice back then?  Absolutely NOT! I was the boss lady of a busy restaurant.  With all the staff issues, long hours, long weeks, instant drama & over-indulgent habits & patterns that typically go hand in hand with this biz. I managed to pull out more appropriate emotions & behaviors most of the time.  I found the energy I needed from somewhere deep down to show up & get the job done.  But even that source began to get harder & harder to tap.  It was running dry from the constant use & no replenishment.  So the 'bad' stuff crept up more often...and  I used more excuses & indulgences to cope with it. Sounds a bit manic, doesn't it? Looking back it was.  I was. BUT I've so much compassion & love for that person.  She did her best at the time, she taught me a ton & she was 'good' at the job. But as you can see...I didn't FEEL good.  I was tired, stressed, achy beyond my years, no energy & no way to refill my well- to dig out- to get back on top of it.  To be me. One of my big A-Ha's around this issue of choosing to act on emotions like this is that I began to hear myself tell myself excuses for the bad behavior towards others or myself.  For example, if I was cranky with someone I would hear myself say, 'You did that because you're not feeling well.'  Or 'I haven't eaten yet, so I have a right to act like that."  Or 'I haven't had a day off in 10 days, so [...]