Cranky. Snappy. Mean. Depressed. Angry.
Emotions I was choosing to let run the show.
Did I have ‘good’ reasons for choosing these emotions? Possibly. Did I feel I had choice back then? Absolutely NOT!
I was the boss lady of a busy restaurant. With all the staff issues, long hours, long weeks, instant drama & over-indulgent habits & patterns that typically go hand in hand with this biz.
I managed to pull out more appropriate emotions & behaviors most of the time. I found the energy I needed from somewhere deep down to show up & get the job done. But even that source began to get harder & harder to tap. It was running dry from the constant use & no replenishment. So the ‘bad’ stuff crept up more often…and I used more excuses & indulgences to cope with it.
Sounds a bit manic, doesn’t it?
Looking back it was. I was.
I’ve so much compassion & love for that person. She did her best at the time, she taught me a ton & she was ‘good’ at the job.
But as you can see…I didn’t FEEL good. I was tired, stressed, achy beyond my years, no energy & no way to refill my well- to dig out- to get back on top of it. To be me.
One of my big A-Ha’s around this issue of choosing to act on emotions like this is that I began to hear myself tell myself excuses for the bad behavior towards others or myself. For example, if I was cranky with someone I would hear myself say, ‘You did that because you’re not feeling well.’ Or ‘I haven’t eaten yet, so I have a right to act like that.” Or ‘I haven’t had a day off in 10 days, so blah-blah-blah.’
These are victim behaviors. This is the ickiest & most damaging thing when you make excuses like this & take them in as fuel for your emotions, since they also turn into fuel for your physical self. You can make yourself sick allowing this kinda talk. It reinforces the symptoms physically and it keeps a vicious cycle going & going.
I think this kind of self talk is responsible for a bunch of our physical symptoms & diseases.
Making excuses for your behavior, thoughts & emotions is dangerous. Especially when you allow them to run rampant & let them be reinforced by other systems.
You have a choice on how you feel, react & act.
So what to do?
If you do something mean or you’re cranky or maybe you just didn’t show up how you really wanted to…don’t take it in. Acknowledge the mistake-own it-understand it. Come to see what it was trying to tell you. Feel okay about it & say sorry to yourself & who ever else you may have hurt. Bless & thank it for the lesson. Now make a new choice. Feel good energy in & around you. Fully let go the other.
This process is part of my 12 week program “Find Your ‘YES!'”
It is called the 4 A’s of responsibility & awareness.
The program has powerful methods & tools to help you move through patterns & habits that aren’t serving you fully to be your whole & balanced self that goes for all you desire. When it is applied it can help you powerfully move through stuff that’s holding you back.
This one exercise (not taking in stuff) is super powerful. Don’t make excuses to yourself. And please, don’t associate your emotional crap with your physical. Meaning don’t let them fuel each other if you can. This is hard I know, especially if you aren’t feeling well, but try to change that connection. Bring the positive in to move the negative out.
It takes practice. I caught myself just the other day giving a bad behavior a physical excuse. The big celebration for me is that I am catching it now & changing it. WooHoo! And I feel 1000x better today than that boss lady at the restaurant. Yay! for me.
If you would like to learn more about this process or get a jump start on it by having a reiki session–just contact me through my website-I’d love to chat. Oh & there’s the 12 week program to really dig in & get some lasting real transformation in your life.
Blessings & light, di